Taking My Armor Off

I hate...

Sat, 20 Mar 2010 22:16:59 GMT

guys who give the "peace sign" in every picture taken of them and guys who drink mixers aka pussy liquor.

11 before 7

Tue, 16 Mar 2010 21:42:53 GMT

Have you ever been discriminated against?

Funny how it was called Lied (pronounced Leed)...
Funny how much lying happened there...
Funny how I turned out...
Funny how no one helps the miserable...
Funny how the peaceful get attacked...
Funny how words hurt more than sticks and stones...

Funny how hate is transformed into motivation.
Taught to be by a man who is just like me.

If you had a chance to redeem yourself of a pathetic time in your life, would you take it?
Or would you let it slip away?

Calm on the outside...Motivated on the inside.

Innocence is destroyed in a slow painful process...unwillingly and unknowingly...but it leads to strength...emotion-numbing strength

If you have felt pain, then why would one not develop tolerance or even avoidance of such?

PS. This blog = remnant of my mind. The riddles of my time. The music that my head writes...by itself. Havent slept in at least 2 days...been drinking more than I should.

We all have secrets,

Tue, 16 Mar 2010 21:24:29 GMT

We all have secrets. We all have problems. Only one person has ever known what I am and by God's virtue he no longer lives on this earth. Such irony is hard to ignore. Such coincidences defy logic. I always wonder if there are such things as coincidences. I wonder about my fate. I wonder about my destiny, if there is such a thing. I wonder how everyone around me lives blind to the hidden truth. I wonder how no one can sense it...that this world, this life is hiding something that we cant see; but we can sense it. Its part of that human sense..we know something is hiding and we have no idea what it is. I wonder how feel morality, pain, love, and other emotions so complex that i doubt that they are necessary for survival in the most biological and evolutionary sense. I wonder...can we sense others' secrets? Can we sense others' complex emotions? Can we sense intentions, hate, love, etc? I wonder about all this, and I drive myself insane because the scientist in me wishes to test all of these hypothesis. Only one problem: I can't.

Next episode pt2

Sat, 13 Mar 2010 03:40:16 GMT

Juan Lupon...

Next episode

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:47:28 GMT

My names for different occasions:

Nex
BioHaZerd
N3X
El Chele
...cte
DrKSde

New personal goals and ideas!

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 00:45:16 GMT

I want to learn to ride a streetbike. THIS summer! I want to learn to ride one. Then I want to buy a 2008-2009 Kawasaki Ninja 250r! The perfect starter bike! I researched it! Man, I cant wait!

Bring it on

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 19:21:47 GMT

first chem test- 104...bitch. Its a damn joke. I hope UCIMED continues to test me like this. I will show them what I am made of. Im going to study now for my stupid grammar test. I will not fail.

change look

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 18:48:45 GMT

change look to reflect my personality and thoughts in a more accurate way. ENJOY!

PS. this is how my mind would look if it was a livejournal blog

DREAMS!

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 18:46:02 GMT

literal dreams.

yesterday I had a dream (sorry MLK) that the Russians took over the USA and I was on the run with a refugee group including President Obama and former President Bush. We were running from the Russians in Europe and heading toward a stronghold in Luxembourg.

Today's dream: I was the President of the USA at age 23 and I had won $1 million from a nobel peace prize. My Cabinet wanted to use the money for themselves so I hid the money. Then I met up with Ben Gates from American Treasure and together we searched for a treasure.

Needless to say, these dreams are a rarity for me since I remember them so vividly. In addition, the fact that they were experienced on consecutive days is another anomaly to be considered.

same old story

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 15:39:06 GMT

douchebags. I wonder how the world is so full of them. I wonder why women complain about these guys and simply replace him with another douchebag. To the women aforementioned: shut up. No one has pity for your 100% preventable situations.

anxiety

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 00:28:18 GMT

my mother gives me anxiety attacks from not listening to me and from freaking out over shit.

I have decided to no longer retake classes that I have already taken

its rare

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 20:26:52 GMT

that I change a post. But I will make an exception. There is more than logic in humanity. There is love. There is trust. There is friendship. I just dont know much about that stuff. I know I have some but I just accept it but I dont understand it and I guess thats why I fear it.

So you all think you know me?

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 20:12:33 GMT

Haha I laugh like a maniac if you could hear the inner workings of my twisted mind. Not twisted like sadistic or evil...more like twisted with the way I see the world. So I dont trust people, so what? I met a kid a couple days ago who attempted to brainwash me into friendship. Well fuck him. Find someone else to use. No one owns me. No one uses me. Some people have an ego. I may seem arrogant and cocky, but the way I see it is like such: I am happy with what I am. I am not pretending to be smart or talking out my ass. I dont force myself to think. I never have. I just think. I think ALL the time. Yes I get headaches from getting carried away but thats always been like that. I would never even comprehend the notion of trading my thinking ways for a more "socially acceptable" of being. As far as I am concerned, the human mind is the most important part of being human and yet, nowadays at least, it has fallen under the evil spell of the media and has taken a back seat to "being cool" or "being social" or whatever other media portrayal of humanity you can come up with.

I refuse to step back into a primal state of being. I want to evolve, not cling to stupid social constraints of behavior. I want to think, not just live how every pathetic attention-requiring human CHOOSES to live. I am not saying that humans are stupid. I am just saying that Most if them are.

I cant wait to prove to myself that I am right; that memorizing stupid books is not intelligence. A dog can memorize colors. What makes us human is UNDERSTANDING and LOGIC.

Only idiots fear that which they do not understand. Thinkers choose to UNDERSTAND it. Not saying that I am perfect, but I am saying that I understand what separates the dumb from the smart.

Something like human

Thu, 11 Feb 2010 18:54:22 GMT

I have chosen this path for myself. I not only wish to be a physician. I want to be the best physician. I want to save lives with my knowledge. I dont have to personally like people...but I will save them nonetheless. I want to better their lives...the quality of life, that is. I want to be a workaholic. I want to use my drive while it lasts. I want to help people.

ps. the money is not that bad either but its irrelevant at this point

attention whores

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 17:34:27 GMT

I despise these people. No one gives a crap about you. They will pretend to care to make you feel better. How sad is it, that some people need other people to tell them that they are funny, smart, or sexy? Or maybe they have none of those qualities, so they find the only way to get attention is by being a dick and/or obnoxious as hell.

well...fuck you. I will NEVER be like you. I will NEVER give you the attention.

I hope you squirm when I ignore your antics. I hope it that it drives you crazy when I just go about my life, loving myself. For that is what matters. Screw what others think. I love myself and I dont need to show anyone else.

My usual M.O:

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 05:57:18 GMT

its been ages since I have blogged, so here is a refresher of what I believe in:
I believe in social obligation. Social obligation is the individual's obligation to serve and care for his community in some way or another. I believe in moderate govt control of all major corporations. We have all seen how corporations exploit labor and steal money from their consumers (bank fiasco that caused global recession). I am not saying govt should own the corporations, but they do need to be controlled for the good of everyone. I believe that everyone should be proud to pay their taxes. Taxes pay for roads, police, airports, prisons, etc... I believe in freedom for everyone. I believe everyone is born with equal potential regardless of background. It is effort that brings success and not genetics. I dont play the PITY game. I dont pity anyone. If you dont like your situation, then deal with it and change it. Its been done, so people that complain piss me off. Religion is not a big deal for me. It is nice but not essential. I despise the current govt of the USA and other nations, who dont care about their citizens. I believe that if elected leaders are not doing a good job, then it is OUR responsibility to replace them. I think the problem is that most of us dont care about our country. Most of us are stuck in our little bubble that which we call LIFE. Selfishness and greed is the virtue of our world. We kill each other with no mercy for GREED and ENVY. These are manufactured human qualities. That is why some people think I am crazy...because I truly know that we are messed up and I admit that I am not perfect, but at least I have the mind to see this world for what it is: HELL. I laugh at people who dont want to go to HELL. Bad Religion put it this way, "How Could Hell be any Worse?". They were right.

I believe everyone makes their own purpose in this world. Purpose goes beyond work, school, profession, or career. It goes beyond friends, family, and yourself Everyone has a purpose. What is yours? Only you can answer that question. And when you do...post it as a reply.

My purpose is to change the world for the better in any way possible.

What is your purpose?

its ok but...

Tue, 12 Jan 2010 01:24:01 GMT

Costa Rica is ok...but I miss Beth alot.

My dream: 12/12/09

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 17:40:40 GMT

At the usual family gathering at Aunt Liz's home: I find Jared from Subway in conversation as he toasts a sub on his portable oven. It has a tube which smoke comes out of. He annoys me with his smug attitude and I put a metal pipe in the chimney of the oven and it begins to spark. Jared sees the sparks on his stupid oven and says, "Its best if I turn this off" in his most smug voice. Then I woke from my slumber.

Mall Office Babies

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:24:44 GMT

I went into work today and decided to make my voice heard. I called the mall office and this nice lady answered and I said to her "I work at the shoppes and I am a college graduate. I am not cleaning your public bathrooms and if you want them cleaned you need to send someone from the city here". I hang up. Now this lady has caller ID and calls my manager to tell her to keep me in line. I find this act revolting and a clear obstruction of my rights as an American citizen. I did not use anything offensive in my speech and I am entitled to give my opinion on what I believe to be a clear act of corporate greed by the part of the lease managers of Pembroke Gardens. I am a barista. I am not a public janitor. I am actually amazed that the mall officials called my manager. They are supposed to mature and they act like babies. What are they going to say? "Oh he called us and he didnt want to clean bathrooms" or "Oh no!, he called and told us what every other employee wants to say but is silenced by corporations or by other authority figures". This goes far beyond me not wanting to clean those filthy bathrooms; this is about a citizen been shunned for having a an opinion and being denied his/her fundamental right to free speech. Grow some balls and talk to me and not my manager. Big babies. CRY harder and I might even pretend to care.

Thoughts, starbucks, and such

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:56:51 GMT

Working intently for a while feels good but the lagging effect is commencing as i write this blog. On my mind today is the word "fascist" and how the Western word as spun a negative connotation on it. It is in fact "controlled capitalism" and not based on authoritarian or communistic rule. The US, in general, uses more propaganda for their use of super-capitalism and the justification of such. Greed is reasoned to be a natural course for economic prosperity and growth. Maybe my bloodlines have made me revolutionary or maybe everyone else is crazy. I know my parents are.

Ghosts IV pt II

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:16:05 GMT

Costa Rica went well. I actually enjoy it over there more that I would think otherwise. I am hopeful for my beautiful relationship even though I will be far away. I love her and I hope she knows it. On a sour note...I hate work, I hate VIA. Because of VIA my hours are down because apparently running shifts to standards is irrelevant. good job starbucks...you once again sink to the lowest level of greed and quality and you drag everybody who works here to that same pathetic level.

PS. AIG is at $30 a share...I was going to buy 10k shares at 70 CENTS. Do the math..I would have made a LOT of money. I blame my stupid aunt who is a finance "expert" for telling not to invest my money in such a "bankrupt company". NEVER again will I listen to anyone when I know that I am right.

Ghosts IV

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 05:53:11 GMT

check back in a couple days...

thoughts 11

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 05:43:58 GMT

I love reading Philosophy. The metaphysics of life and the nature of god fascinate me to no end. I state this because the next few sentences may seem more like schizophrenia than logical rational thoughts.

I had that thought again...The one where I am sitting in my room in absolute silence around 2 am. The feeling that I am viewing the world as I want to see it. The feeling that I am in a constant dream state. Or more like in a video game or something of that nature. I can't really explain what it feels like. But its the sudden realization that if I were to die, somehow the world would cease to exist since it only exists because I exist to sense it. I guess it is kind of like the paradox of the tree that makes no sound if no one is there to hear it.

It is that feeling described above that has made me disfunctional I believe. The feeling of knowing that I am alone in my head.

That being said. There is one girl that makes me happy and shows me what its like to care about someone else. I have never cried or mourned over dead relatives even. I find such emotions irrational when those departed have led a happy and fulfilling life.

I find pressure in my life unacceptable. I want to do something I love with my life. I want to open a successful business that I am passionate about. I am scared to say that being a doctor is a facilitator for my dream of opening my own business. I consider that an early "retirement" in my eyes since I am a self proclaimed work-aholic and I dont consider doing what I love a JOB.

I dont know what I want. I like to play the part of having a future but the truth is this:
There are no prophets. There are no guarantees. There is no fate. Yes: things happen for a reason, but fate implies a higher force...we are the only forces that guide our lives. We make our own purpose. For without purpose we are just animals. No purpose means no reason to even live.

PS. as a contrast to my thoughts above. I believe that some people on this earth are savages. We forget that most areas of this earth are homes to savage humans. These humans must murder and rob others to survive. They dont share our sense of morality. But every human is violent (in different ways aka murders vs "civilized" wars) and every human is GREEDY. For example, we need to realize that some people on this earth cannot and do not want to be like the USA. They either dont have the resources to do so, or even worse...groups of people are killing each other for control of land. I find it irrational humans cut up the earth in sections for ownership when this earth is OUR EARTH. Anyone should be free to live wherever they want imo.

no words

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 05:58:47 GMT

I have decided that there are no words worthy that can show what I feel toward her.

?

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 03:18:48 GMT

I put with BS at work cuz I love her and seeing her almost everyday makes me happier than I'll admit. I'll do anything for her.